JURY DUTY QUESTIONNAIRE

I'm sure you've had to fill out a form before and have thought the questions were pretty absurd, right? Well I had to complete the jury duty questionnaire I received in the mail and was laughing to myself the entire time because this is how I felt like answering the questions:

What were your last three occupations?
Well just yesterday I was an accountant, personal chef, referee, manicurist and hair stylist and chauffeur.

Are you, or have you been a law enforcement officer?
Yes, I currently enforce laws and have been for quite some time. Some are more difficult than others, such as limiting the tv time. I have found however, that if you take out the satellite card, it really is the most effective method and then the civilians really appreciate the time they do have to watch tv.

Have you ever been confined in a mental or correctional facility?
Funny you should ask...winter days stuck in the house, the days I have cleaned up to find two more messes in another room. Kids arguing... you get the idea.

Have you ever been a victim, witness, accused or party in a criminal case?

Victim - I've been bitten several times lately, she goes in for the cuddle, then without notice, bites right on the shoulder.

Witness - Practical jokes, pinching, the occasional hitting, sliding the dirty clothes under the bed, I've seen it all.

Accused - I've been told I am the worst mom in the world and I ruined her life, then an hour later, in her innocent five year old voice, I was the BEST mom in the world, but accused nonetheless.

Wouldn't you like to see face of the judge reading this questionnaire? I probably wouldn't have to worry about jury duty. They would mark a big red stamp, CRAZY!